(by David Rosenfield)

Down in Lawrence town by the river Kaw
Is the rockin'-est band you ever heard or saw
You won't need earplugs
'Cuz it's just five mugs
Makin' jugband jazz without any jugs
They've got songs a-plenty
Clean and dirty
Blue and sporty
From maybe circa
Nineteen-twenty
Or thirty
Or forty
Oh, Lordy!

It's Al Trout's Hokum Washboard Band
And you can hear the leader daily
Playin' on his ukulele

He leads them through the streets to sing
And do that string band thing

They've got a stand-up bass
That'll rock the place
'Cuz it's in yo' face
(thumpa thumpa thumpa thumpa)
The guitar's Hawaiian
When it starts cryin'
Your troubles will go where the sun don't shi-ine

Sister Rebekah
She's a washboard wrecker
With a nimble thimbled hand
They've only got one fiddle
So, it ain't Nelson Riddle
It's Al Trout's Hokum Washboard Band!

Yeah!
[instrumental chorus]

They'll kick yo' ass
'Cuz it ain't bluegrass
It's Al Trout's Hokum Washboard Band

It's fat and naughty
But it ain't Pavarotti
It's Al Trout's Hokum Washboard Band

They've all got white flesh
But it ain't John Tesh
It's Al Trout's Hokum Washboard Band

Al Trout's Hokum (scratch, scratch) Ban